One question that has reverberated inside my head for a long time is: Am I worthy of love? Through each hardship that left me feeling insecure and lonely I questioned whether I was being punished by Allah. Does Allah love me? I bet that’s crossed many people’s minds, not just mine and not just yours. I reasoned He must not, because if Allah loved me why did people not treat me fairly, why did I feel this way?
The truth is, this feeling of not being loveable doesn’t come from us, it comes from other people. It’s their labels that they attach to us, it’s their baggage to carry, not ours. Everyone makes mistakes but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love, not unless they are totally evil. Your mistakes are not you, they are your experiences. You learn from them, rectify where possible, repent sincerely and move on.
Allah loves you, His Mercy is His love. It’s better than our notion of love because we aren’t always merciful to those that we love. Allah’s Mercy surrounds us even when we have sinned, even when we don’t remember Him. Allah says in the Qur’an:
“Declare (O Muhammad) unto My slaves, that truly, I am the Oft-Forgiving, the Most-Merciful…”
Part of this Mercy includes Allah keeping our hearts beating without us even thinking about it. Another part of it is forgiving us for our sins when we sincerely repent. Allah shows His Mercy to even those that insult Him beause He allows them to live.
When Allah loves His slave He orders the angels to also love that person. But that doesn’t mean you won’t face trials or hardship in life. The most beloved slave to Allah was prophet Muhammad (saws) and he faced worse trials than we ever will. Allah tests us to purify us, to make us worthy of Jannah – this life is a test and our trials are our exams. Allah wants to see the level of your faith, if you turn to Him, if YOU love Him, if you remember Him during the good times and the bad.
It isn’t a punishment, not if it brings you back to Allah, it’s an opportunity to turn to your Lord in worship.
It took me so many years to learn this. I raged against my own negativity. I watched so many lectures and read so many books and made so much dua. It was Allah’s Mercy that changed my way of thinking – and this happened because I AM worthy of love, and so are you.